Hello, everyone! Let me tell you a traditional Chinese story about the Dragon Boat Festival.（段评：本段作为开头,清晰直接地引出了端午节传统故事的主题,表达十分通顺！你用简单明了的打招呼方式开启分享,非常符合小学阶段英语故事演讲的入门要求,继续保持呀。如果想让开头更亲切,可以在句末加一个简单的小修饰词,让语气更活泼。修改版：Hello,everyone! Let me tell you a nice traditional Chinese story about the Dragon Boat Festival.）
Long ago, there was a great poet named Qu Yuan in the state of Chu. He loved his country deeply and wanted to help his king rule well. But some bad people in the court made the king think he was not good. Qu Yuan had to leave the capital. When he heard Chu was taken over by enemies, he was so sad that he jumped into the Miluo River.（段评：你把屈原的生平故事讲得非常清楚,一般过去时的整体使用很准确,完全把故事的前因后果交代明白了,特别棒！只有两处可以小优化:1. 可以用and把部分短句子连起来,读起来更流畅；2. 给动作加一点点简单的形容词,能让故事更生动,完全不超咱们小学学过的词汇范围哦。修改版：Long ago,there was a great poet named Qu Yuan in the state of Chu. He loved his country deeply and wanted to help his king rule well. But some bad people in the court made the king think he was not good. So Qu Yuan had to leave the capital. When he heard Chu was taken over by enemies,he was very sad and jumped into the Miluo River.）
People who liked Qu Yuan were very upset. They rowed boats on the river to look for his body and threw rice dumplings into the water to stop fish from eating him. That's how dragon boat races and eating zongzi started.（段评：你把龙舟和粽子的由来解释得清清楚楚,逻辑特别通顺,所有基础词汇都用对了！唯一可以调整的小地方是把个别零散的短句用and连起来,读起来更顺口,完全符合咱们小学的并列句学习要求,不需要用复杂结构。修改版：People who liked Qu Yuan were very upset. They rowed boats on the river to look for his body and threw rice dumplings into the water to stop fish from eating him. That is how dragon boat races and eating zongzi started.）
Now, on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month, families get together to eat zongzi and watch exciting dragon boat races. It's a time to remember Qu Yuan and enjoy being with our families.（段评：本段联系了现在的端午节习俗,把古代故事和现在的生活连起来,主题呼应得特别好,完全贴合记叙文的写作要求！可以给形容词加简单的修饰词,让画面感更强,用的都是咱们小学学过的very、really这类基础副词,很容易模仿。修改版：Now,on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month,families get together happily to eat zongzi and watch very exciting dragon boat races. It is a warm time to remember Qu Yuan and enjoy being with our families.）
Thank you for listening!
