Every one (改：Everyone) needs help and I learnt a lot from helping Mike.（段评：本段作为记叙文开头,直接点明主题“帮助他人”,简洁明确,但缺乏记叙文应有的画面感和吸引力,未能通过具体情境或细节引出事件,略显平铺直叙。修改版：每个人的成长路上都离不开他人的帮助,而那次帮助同桌迈克补习数学的经历,像一颗石子投入心湖,让我收获了意想不到的成长。）

Months ago, my teacher asked me to help my classmate Mike with his maths. Before helping him, I felt a little nervous. So I went over the textbook again and again and again (改：again and again) , and did lots of exercises. To my surprise, I could even work out some difficult problems that I couldn't understand before. Every day I helped Mike go over what he had learnt, and I also helped him with his homework. With my help, Mike made great progress in maths.（段评：本段围绕“帮助迈克补习数学”展开叙述,内容充实,逻辑清晰,能体现“教学相长”的主题。但存在细节描写不足的问题:一是缺乏心理活动的具体刻画(如帮迈克前的紧张具体表现)；二是补习过程的细节单薄(如迈克遇到的具体难题、两人互动的场景)；三是语言表达稍显平淡,缺乏生动性。修改版：几个月前,老师让我帮同桌迈克补数学。接到任务时,我心里像揣了只小兔子——怕自己讲不清楚。于是我把数学课本翻了一遍又一遍,把公式定理抄在便签上,还特意做了几道易错的压轴题。没想到,在梳理知识点的过程中,我竟然弄懂了之前一直卡壳的几何辅助线问题。每天午休,我都会和迈克坐在教室角落,他皱着眉问“这道题的等量关系怎么找”,我就拿起草稿纸,一边画示意图一边讲解。看着他从“这题好难”到“哦,原来如此”的转变,我心里也暖暖的。期末考试,迈克的数学成绩从及格线跃到了八十多分。）

From this experience, I not only helped him out of his trouble, but also improved my own studies. Helping others is helping ourself (改：ourselves) .（段评：本段作为结尾,总结了帮助他人的收获,主题明确,但情感升华略显生硬,“帮助别人就是帮助自己”的结论缺乏具体情境支撑,未能将感悟与前文细节自然融合。修改版：这次经历像一束光,照亮了我对“帮助”的理解:我不仅帮迈克摆脱了数学的困扰,更在备课的过程中巩固了自己的知识,体会到了分享的快乐。原来,帮助他人就像照镜子,在照亮别人的同时,也让自己看到了更棒的自己。）