Before, I was extremely timid. Even speaking in front of a small group made my heart race and my voice tremble. I avoided any situation that required me to step into the spotlight.（段评：本段作为开头,能简洁点明"我"过去的胆怯性格,为后文的转变做铺垫,主题方向明确。但存在不足:一是缺乏具体场景支撑,"胆小"的表现较抽象,未通过细节展现(如课堂发言时的肢体反应、躲避活动的具体事例)；二是语言平铺直叙,没有运用心理或动作描写增强画面感,感染力不足。修改版：从前的我,像只缩在壳里的蜗牛,连在小组讨论时发言都要攥紧衣角——心跳得像擂鼓,声音细得像蚊子叫,生怕别人注意到我。班级的演讲、文艺表演,我总是找借口躲得远远的,连教室前排的座位都不敢坐,就怕成为众人目光的焦点。）

Then came the school's annual speech contest. My teacher encouraged me to participate. At first, I want (改：wanted) to refuse. But with her patient guidance and my own desire to challenge myself. I (改：But with her patient guidance and my own desire to challenge myself,I) agreed. I spent weeks preparing, writing and revising the speech, and practicing in front of the mirror countless times. When the day of contest (改：day of the contest) arrived, I was nervous but determined. As I stood on the stage, I took a deep breath and began. To my surprise, I managed to finish the speech smoothly.（段评：本段叙述了演讲比赛的经历,情节完整,能体现"挑战自我"的过程。但存在不足:一是心理变化描写简单,从"想拒绝"到"同意"的转变缺乏细节(如老师鼓励的具体话语、内心挣扎的过程)；二是准备和比赛的过程较笼统,没有具体动作或感受(如练演讲时镜子里的表情、上台前的肢体反应)；三是结尾"顺利完成"的结果缺乏情感递进,未体现突破后的真实感受。修改版：学校年度演讲比赛的通知贴出来时,我正想低头绕开,班主任却笑着拍了拍我的肩:"你的作文写得那么好,试试把文字说出来？"我本能地想摇头,但她眼睛里的信任像一束光,让我心里那点"想改变"的念头悄悄冒了头。接下来的几周,我把演讲稿改了五六遍,每天对着镜子练到嗓子发哑——看着镜中自己涨红的脸,我攥紧拳头一遍遍告诉自己"再试一次"。比赛那天,我攥着汗湿的演讲稿站在后台,腿肚子直打颤,可当主持人念到我的名字时,我深吸一口气,一步步走上了舞台。话筒递到嘴边的那一刻,我忽然想起镜子里那个倔强的自己,于是慢慢开口,竟越说越顺,直到掌声响起,我才发现手心的汗已经干了。）

This experience made me realize that courage isn't the absence of fear, but the willingness to face it.（段评：本段作为结尾,能提炼出"勇气是面对恐惧"的主题,立意积极。但存在不足:一是升华较空泛,没有结合具体经历的细节,缺乏个性化感悟；二是语言口号化,没有用具体的情境或感受自然引出哲理,感染力不足。修改版：走下舞台时,我摸着还在发烫的脸颊忽然明白:勇气从来不是没有恐惧——就像我攥紧衣角的手、发抖的腿,都是恐惧的影子。但真正的勇气,是当恐惧像潮水涌来时,你还愿意抬起脚,一步步走向舞台中央,让声音穿过颤抖的喉咙,抵达听众的耳朵。）