Grandpa Li stopped, looked around. 'Did you hear some voice (改：a sound) Snowy?' He uttered in a exciting (改：an exciting) tone. This sound was in his heart so deeply (改：so deep in his heart) that he couldn't forget. It's the deer's voice! Grandpa Li couldn't stop his foot, he ran toward the forest, and then a familiar deer went out (改：came out) . A familiar white T - shirt (改：T-shirt) was on the deer's body. 'Oh! It's the T - shirt I lost yesterday because of the windy (改：because of the wind) ! You found it!' Grandpa Li was very surprised. He patted the deer's head and got the T - shirt. Then, he cut it to smaller (改：cut it into smaller pieces) and made it became (改：made it become) a mark on the deer's leg. 'Come back dear, forest is your home. But if you want see (改：want to see) me, just go to the tea field.'（段评：本段作为记叙文的开头,成功建立了场景和人物关系,展现了爷爷与小鹿之间的特殊联系。但存在一些语言表达上的问题: 1. 时态误用:原文中“He couldn't stop his foot (改：couldn't stop himself) ”应改为“He couldn't stop his feet”,“made it became”应改为“made it become”。 2. 冠词误用:“a exciting tone”应改为“an exciting tone”,“the windy”应改为“the wind”。 3. 表达不地道:“This sound was in his heart so deeply that he couldn't forget”可以更自然地表达为“This sound was so deeply etched in his heart that he couldn't forget it”。修改版：Grandpa Li stopped and looked around. 'Did you hear something,Snowy?' he asked in an exciting tone. This sound was so deeply etched in his heart that he couldn't forget it. It was the deer's voice! Grandpa Li couldn't stop his feet; he ran toward the forest,and then a familiar deer emerged. A familiar white T-shirt was on the deer's body. 'Oh! It's the T-shirt I lost yesterday because of the wind! You found it!' Grandpa Li was very surprised. He patted the deer's head and retrieved the T-shirt. Then,he cut it into smaller pieces and made it a mark on the deer's leg. 'Go back,dear. The forest is your home. But if you want to see me,just go to the tea field.'）
Snowy will shout to remind: Grandpa Li the deer is go to (改：is going to) the tea field. And then Grandpa Li will come to the tea field with many fruit (改：much fruit) . The deer is very close to Grandpa Li and the little dog Snowy. It follow (改：It follows) close behind Grandpa Li with Snowy to take care of the tea field, or just stand near the Grandpa Li (改：near Grandpa Li) and eat the fruit. Grandpa Li is also expecting every spring because the deer (改：because of the deer) . All of them were peaceful (改：are peaceful) and happy to enjoy the time they together (改：they spend together) . The helpful and the love (改：Kindness and love) is a bridge which could connect the animal and people, how magic it is (改：how magical it is) !（段评：本段作为记叙文的结尾,成功描绘了人与动物和谐相处的场景,升华了主题。但存在一些语言表达上的问题: 1. 主谓不一致:“the deer is go”应改为“the deer is going”,“It follow”应改为“It follows”。 2. 时态误用:“Grandpa Li is also expecting”应改为“Grandpa Li also looks forward to”。 3. 表达不地道:“the helpful and the love”应改为“Helpfulness and love”,“how magic it is”应改为“how magical it is”。修改版：Snowy will bark to remind:'Grandpa Li,the deer is going to the tea field.' Then Grandpa Li will come to the tea field with lots of fruit. The deer is very close to Grandpa Li and the little dog Snowy. It follows closely behind Grandpa Li with Snowy to take care of the tea field,or just stands near Grandpa Li and eats the fruit. Grandpa Li also looks forward to every spring because of the deer. All of them live peacefully and happily,enjoying the time they spend together. Helpfulness and love are a bridge that connects animals and people. How magical it is!）
