Lin Qiaozhi was born in Xiamen in 1901. Her life was great. She left (改：passed away) in 1983 and was known as the mother of ten thousand babies.（段评：本段作为开头,简要介绍了林巧稚的基本信息,点明了她的伟大贡献,整体内容符合应用文开头要求。但存在两个问题: 1. 用词重复:段落中两次提到'was known as',略显冗余。 2. 表达不够精确:'Her life was great'表述较为笼统,可更具体地体现她的贡献。修改版：Lin Qiaozhi was born in Xiamen in 1901. Her life was marked by remarkable achievements. She passed away in 1983 and is widely known as the 'mother of ten thousand babies'.）
As a five - year - old (改：five-year-old) girl, Lin Qiaozhi was deeply affected by her mother's death. At age 18, instead of following the traditional path of marriage like the majority of girls, she chose to work and study. Later, she went on to study medicine as she had wished. In 1929, she from (改：she graduated from) Peking Union Medical College with the wenhai (改：Wanhai) scholarship, the highest prize given to graduates. After working for a few years, she was sent to study in Europe and then. (改：and then the United States.) She rejected the offer, she wanted to serve the women and children at home. In 1941, Thinking of all the people still in need of help, Dr Lin opened a private clinic.（段评：本段详细叙述了林巧稚的成长经历,内容丰富且有逻辑。但存在以下问题: 1. 句子结构错误:'she from Peking Union Medical College'缺少谓语动词,'then'后缺少内容,'She rejected the offer,she wanted'是连写句。 2. 非谓语错误:'Thinking of all the people still in need of help'作为状语使用正确,但整体句式可更流畅。 3. 词汇不够精准:'work and study'可更具体地体现她的选择。修改版：As a five-year-old girl,Lin Qiaozhi was deeply affected by her mother's death. At the age of 18,instead of following the traditional path of marriage like most girls,she chose to pursue both work and education. Later,she fulfilled her wish to study medicine. In 1929,she graduated from Peking Union Medical College with the Wenhai Scholarship,the highest honor for graduates. After working for a few years,she was sent to study in Europe and then the United States. She rejected the offer to stay abroad because she wanted to serve the women and children in her home country. In 1941,thinking of all the people still in need of medical help,Dr. Lin opened a private clinic.）
Lin Qiaozhi never married, she known as (改：she was known as) the 'mother of ten thousand babies', having delivered over 50, 000 babies in her lifetime. Dr Lin did not retire until the day she died, 22 April 1983. Since she had no children of her own, she left her savings to a kindergarten and a fund for new doctors.（段评：本段补充了林巧稚的个人生活和贡献,内容完整。但存在以下问题: 1. 连写句:'Lin Qiaozhi never married,she known as'是连写句,且缺少谓语动词。 2. 表达不够连贯:'having delivered over 50,000 babies'作为非谓语结构使用正确,但整体衔接可更自然。修改版：Lin Qiaozhi never married. Known as the 'mother of ten thousand babies',she delivered over 50,000 babies in her lifetime. Dr. Lin did not retire until the day she died on April 22,1983. Since she had no children of her own,she left her savings to a kindergarten and a fund for new doctors.）
She is a great woman, she devoted all her life to helping the sick women and newborn babies, we should learn from her selfless and kind (改：selflessness and kindness) !（段评：本段作为结尾,总结了林巧稚的贡献并表达了敬意,符合应用文结尾要求。但存在以下问题: 1. 连写句:'She is a great woman,she devoted'和'newborn babies,we should'都是连写句。 2. 词汇不够精准:'selfless and kind'可更具体地体现她的品质。修改版：She was a truly remarkable woman who devoted her entire life to helping sick women and newborn babies. We should learn from her selfless dedication and compassionate spirit.）
