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作者:朱寒芳| 指导老师:李雨晨

李校上周举办了以以致创科技触碰未来为主题的科技节活动,请为校英文报写一篇报道内容,包括活动目的,活动内容活动反响总分满分15分Aiming to spark our passion for technology, an activity themed 'Innovation and technology, touching the future' took place in our school last week.段评:本段作为科技节报道的开头,点明了活动目的和主题,简洁明了!但存在主题名称格式问题,英文主题名称应使用引号或斜体,且'李校'应改为'我校'更符合报道用语。修改版:Aiming to spark our passion for technology,an activity themed 'Innovation and Technology,Touching the Future' took place in our school last week.

There were varieties (改:a variety) of wonderful activities, ranging from tech - lecture (改:tech lectures) to technology museum visiting. What impressed me most was the DIY Robot, which allows (改:allowed) me to explore technology on my own. Students had a good time with the creative time (改:these creative activities) , fostered (改:fostering) our interest in AI robots.段评:本段描述了活动内容,有具体例子,很好!但存在以下问题: 1. 并列结构不一致:'from tech-lecture to technology museum visiting'中,'tech-lecture'是名词,'visiting'是动名词,应统一为名词形式'visits'。 2. 非谓语错误:'fostered our interest'应改为'fostering our interest',与前面的'had a good time'构成伴随状语。 3. 冠词误用:'the DIY Robot'应改为'a DIY Robot',表示泛指一个机器人活动。修改版:There were various wonderful activities,ranging from tech lectures to visits to the technology museum. What impressed me most was a DIY Robot activity,which allowed me to explore technology on my own. Students had a good time during this creative session,fostering our interest in AI robots.

The activity, which offered us a time to touch the future, was highly of (改:highly praised) . Not only did it provide us with creativity (改:spark our creativity) , but it also aroused our passion for technology.段评:本段总结了活动反响,使用了倒装句,句式有变化!但存在以下问题: 1. 表达问题:'was highly of'应改为'was highly thought of',是固定搭配,表示'受到高度评价'。 2. 词不达意:'provide us with creativity'应改为'inspire our creativity',更符合语境。修改版:The activity,which offered us a glimpse into the future,was highly thought of. Not only did it inspire our creativity,but it also aroused our passion for technology.

综合评价:

朱寒芳同学,你好!作为一篇高中阶段的新闻报道,你准确覆盖了活动目的、内容和反响三大核心要素,主题明确,结构清晰,开头用"Aiming to spark our passion..."点明目的,中间列举科技讲座、博物馆参观等活动,结尾用倒装句强调活动意义,这些都体现了你对新闻报道框架的理解,值得肯定!

不过在语言表达上还有提升空间:比如"tech - lecture"的连字符使用不当,应改为"tech lectures"(复数形式更符合"varieties of"的语境);"DIY Robot"中"Robot"需小写且用复数"Robots";"fostered our interest"前缺少连词,可改为"which fostered our interest";"was highly of"成分残缺,应补充为"was highly thought of";"provide us with creativity"搭配不够地道,建议改为"stimulate our creativity"。

整体来看,你的逻辑框架很扎实,若能在细节处优化语法和用词的准确性,文章会更流畅专业。继续保持对活动细节的捕捉,下次可以尝试用更生动的描述(如"students were fully engaged in assembling robots")让报道更有画面感,加油!

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