I want to share you about (改：share with you about) 'The wind in the Willows' by the United Kingdom writer (改：the British writer) Kenneth Grahame.（段评：本段作为开头,清晰地介绍了分享的书籍和作者,表达了分享的意愿。但存在介词搭配不当的问题,“share you about”应改为“share with you about”,这是初中阶段需要掌握的固定搭配。修改版：I want to share with you about 'The Wind in the Willows' by the British writer Kenneth Grahame.）
The story happened in a beautiful riverbank with four animal friends Toad, Badger, Rat and Mole.（段评：本段交代了故事发生的地点和主要角色,为下文做了铺垫。但存在冠词使用不当的问题,“a beautiful riverbank”应改为“a beautiful riverbank”(无需修改),但“four animal friends Toad”应改为“four animal friends:Toad”,使用冒号更清晰地引出角色。修改版：The story happened on a beautiful riverbank with four animal friends:Toad,Badger,Rat and Mole.）
Toad was the richest animal of the four friends and he was very kind, liked new things (改：and liked new things) . but he was a little stupid, boastful. And he was also impulsive when friends told him not to drive the car again, but he not only still drove the car but also even stole cars to drive, that's why he was caught by the police. After he was free again, he learned from his mistakes. Toad's experience told us that we should not be proud. We must listen to our friends' good advice. When we make something wrong (改：make a mistake) , we should correct our mistakes on time.（段评：本段详细描述了Toad的性格和经历,内容充实。但存在以下问题:1. 句式结构松散,如“liked new things”应改为“and liked new things”,使句子结构更完整；2. 时态不一致,“he not only still drove”应改为“he not only continued to drive”,更符合语境；3. 逻辑连接词使用不当,“that's why”前应加逗号。修改版：Toad was the richest of the four friends and he was very kind,and liked new things. But he was a little stupid and boastful. He was also impulsive:when his friends told him not to drive the car again,he not only continued to drive but also stole cars to drive,which is why he was caught by the police. After he was free again,he learned from his mistakes. Toad's experience tells us that we should not be proud. We must listen to our friends' good advice. When we make mistakes,we should correct them in time.）
Badger had a warm heart, when Toad made a big mistake (改：when Toad made a big mistake,) . Badger gave Toad some honest suggestions. He was a badger who forgot past mistakes, for example stoats and weasels occupied Toad Hall, then they were driven away from Toad Hall. But after that Badger gave them sweets and told stories with them. Badger told us that we should love everybody and forget others past mistakes (改：forget others' past mistakes) .（段评：本段描述了Badger的性格和行为,主题明确。但存在时态不一致的问题,“Badger had a warm heart”应改为“Badger has a warm heart”,保持一般现在时；“when Toad made a big mistake”应改为“when Toad makes a big mistake”,与整体时态一致。修改版：Badger has a warm heart. When Toad makes a big mistake,Badger gives him some honest suggestions. He is a badger who forgives others' past mistakes. For example,when stoats and weasels occupied Toad Hall,they were driven away. But after that,Badger gave them sweets and told stories with them. Badger's story tells us that we should love everyone and forgive others' past mistakes.）
Rat was not only gentle, helpful but also loyal. And when Mole missed the road deep in the forest, he went out and saved Mole. Rat's experience told us when our friends are in need please help them on time.（段评：本段描述了Rat的性格和行为,内容具体。但存在句式单调的问题,“Rat was not only gentle,helpful but also loyal”应改为“Rat is not only gentle and helpful but also loyal”,使用“and”连接并列形容词,更符合语法规则；“when Mole missed the road deep in the forest”应改为“when Mole got lost in the deep forest”,表达更地道。修改版：Rat is not only gentle and helpful but also loyal. When Mole got lost in the deep forest,he went out and saved Mole. Rat's experience tells us that when our friends are in need,we should help them in time.）
Mole was shy and had warm heart (改：had a warm heart) . And he often missed his home when he travels (改：when he traveled) with his friends. Mole's experience（段评：本段描述了Mole的性格,但句子不完整,“Mole's experience”后缺少内容,应补充完整,使段落意思完整。修改版：Mole is shy and has a warm heart. He often misses his home when he travels with his friends. Mole's experience）
told us we should go home often even if we are busy.（段评：本段是上一段的延续,但单独成段不合适,应与上一段合并,使内容连贯。修改版：tells us that we should go home often even if we are busy.）
The Wind in the Willows is not only a fairy tale, but also a textbook to teach us how to be a good person. I hope you can read this book on your own. We should be honest and learn from our mistakes.（段评：本段作为结尾,总结了书籍的意义,表达了推荐的意愿。但存在词汇重复的问题,“We should be honest and learn from our mistakes”与前文重复,可删除或替换为更简洁的表达。修改版：The Wind in the Willows is not only a fairy tale but also a textbook that teaches us how to be a good person. I hope you can read this book on your own.）
