Last Saturday morning, I stayed at home and cooked tomato eggs for my parents. At first I forgot to put salt, so the dish tasted tasteless. I added a little salt carefully and tried again. When my parents came back, they ate the food and praised me warmly.(段评:这段作为记叙文的主体部分,时间、事件交代清晰,情节完整!但在表达上可以更生动: 1. 细节描写可丰富:如添加'chopped the tomatoes carefully'或'cracked the eggs gently'这样的动作细节,让场景更具体。 2. 逻辑连接可加强:在'At first'前添加'However',使转折更自然。 3. 词汇可更精准:'tasted tasteless'可改为'tasted bland',避免重复使用'taste'。修改版:Last Saturday morning,I stayed at home and cooked tomato eggs for my parents. However,at first I forgot to put salt,so the dish tasted bland. I added a little salt carefully and tried again. When my parents came back,they ate the food and praised me warmly.)
I felt so proud and warm. I learn (改:learned) that bringing happiness to others can make myself much happier.(段评:这段作为结尾,情感表达真挚,主题升华自然!但有一处时态错误: 1. 时态误用:'I learn'应改为'I learned',与全文过去时态保持一致。 2. 表达可更流畅:'bringing happiness to others can make myself much happier'可调整为'bringing happiness to others can make me much happier',避免'myself'的不当使用。修改版:I felt so proud and warm. I learned that bringing happiness to others can make me much happier.)




